I don't know why the fuck I do it to myself.
What kind of fucking twat would think 'I know, I'll stab myself in the eye with a needle'?
What kind of fucking twat would think 'I know, I'll set fire to my bollocks with a buttock clenching blow torch'?
And what kind of fucking grumpy old twat would think 'I know, I'll just have a quick shuffty at the Mail Online website' ... with the sure and certain fucking knowledge that you are about to endure hours of fucking agony and angst.
I'm no masochist, that's for sure. I didn't get where the fuck I am today by poncing around the living room wearing nipple clamps and barbed wire underpants, screaming "whip my arse Mrs GOT, whip my big fat fucking arse!"
But I did it all the same.
No! Not the nipple clamps and the barbed wire underpants, you pervy cunts .... taking a shuffty at the Mail Online! Aaaaarrrrgghhh! Who the fucketty fuck sat at their desk, in the Daily fucking Fail offices today, and decided that this load of mother fucking, piss, shit, arse,wank, bollocks ... was going to be the top 'news' items :
• Please, please tell us you're OK': Anguished parents of teacher, 30, who ran away with Megan, 15, plead with them to make contact
BUT when it all boils down to it, just like my piss which is boiling like some out of control Bessemer bastard converter, the over-paid fucktards that write this wanking material aren't actually to blame.
It's supply and demand you see.
It's the sheeple that want it. It's the sheeple that demand it. It's the sheeple that have been insidiously brainwashed, by consecutive goverments, into believing that this is the drug they need to depend on to survive.
WAKE UP and smell the cunting coffee sheeple! For all our fucking sakes!
Do you share my agony and angst ... or am I wasting my fucking breath?