Three fucking words.
Andrew Mitchell GateGate.
The way I understand it (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong * death stare *) is that the former cabinet minister for
Overseas Aid and Development 'Giving Free Tax Payers' Cash to Fuzzy Fucking Wuzzies For Space Programmes and The Fucking Like', got on his bike to leave 10 Downing Street and approached the large main gates.
"Open the big fuck off gates", he said, "I'm important and I'm in a hurry!"
"Sorry sir, you'll have to use the side gate like everyone else", said the policeman.
"Do you know who I am, you fucking pleb! Open the big fuck off gates and be quick about it!" replied the Mong Mitchell.
"More than my job's worth" said PC Jobsworth, "Camermong uses the side gate and you have to too."
"You fucking moron!" screamed the Mong Mitchell, "I'm the Government Chief Whip, responsible for behaviour of Tory MPs and your behaviour towards someone as important as what I fucking am, is totally dis-fucking-respectful."
"On yer bike Sir, through the side gate, and we'll say no more about it" said PC Jobsworth.
"Right! OK! But you are so fucked when I tell the duty sergeant to fuck you the fuck off!" retorted the beetroot faced Mong Mitchell.
"As you wish Sir. Just doing my job" said PC Jobsworth Smuggy Bollocks.
"Oink fucking Oink! Cunt." shouted Mental Meltdown Mong Mitchell, as he peddled of down Whitehall ... via the side gate/
And that's about all I know about the non-fucking-incident, according to a copy of PC Jobsworth's official report ... that I managed to obtain by promising the duty sergeant a month's supply of cream doughnuts from Greggs ... and a copy of the DVD ... Back Door Brenda Eats Truncheon Meat.
So .... despite the clear evidence, the Mong Andrew Mitchell continues to deny the 'words that have been attributed to him' and PC Jobsworth insists that his report is the 'whole truth and nothing but the truth on me wife's life gov'.
To be honest, who the buggery bollocks gives a flying toss about any of it! Well, it seems the MSM do. The dead twatting tree press and the 24 hour no-news-expect-celbs-and-mother-fucking-fuckwits channels, continue to wank themselves into a cumfest about whether the Mong Mitchell should resign his arse out of his job ... or not.
Who the fucketty fuck, fucking well cares!
Troughing bastard MPs and the Piggy Poilce Farce of
Great Britain have been collectively proven as being eco-cunting-nomical with the truth on too may occasions for me to be arsed to count.
Nothing to see here. Move along.
That is all.