Such a prescient, beautiful sentiment.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

I'm No Scholar, but...

Why Are We Still Messing About?

So the Arab nations hated the Jewish people in a good old fashioned politically incorrect manner. They got out from under. In turn a Jewish prophet was born and became a Messiah and  the Christian movement was born. Now the Arab peoples were somewhat miffed at this hero worship, whilst secretly envious of the celebrity culture engendered. The next move on the Arab part was to imitate the actions, beliefs and success of the Christian religion. So, using the model presented up popped Mohamed. A sort of X factor creation and instant celeb. Now Allah was a no brainer. God is God, so here we had a sort of agreement that mono was the way to go. Sadly that was that. The endemic racist streak was to remain and as the two faiths/religions fought over their separate but near the same franchise, the future populations of the whole world were to be dragged into conflict. The Muslim way or attitude being "If you're not with us you're agin us". Now the Crusaders and Christianity gave up on that one several hundred years ago. No way will  the intolerant and aggressive Islamics surrender their pious hypocrisy. Certainly whilst they are winning so many conflicts, large and small whilst heavily appeased by the chatterati. After all, they do have rather a lot of oil!


  1. I cannot claim the originality for this one .. but it made me laugh ...

    Mohammed spent a lot of time up mountains, slaying goats and raping children

    Jesus spent a lot of time around the docks and managed to feed the 5000 on fish

    And that, in essence is the difference between gross prophet and net prophet.

  2. CH, sharply intaken breath to be followed by raucous laughter...good one!

  3. Nicely done CH!

    Having studied diligently at school (honest!), kept abreast of current world events and generally applied myself to a greater sense of understanding I am still at a total loss as to why we continue to meddle in other countries' affairs!
    When we ran the world we had a duty of responsibility and care to ensure that the fuzzy wuzzies didn't kill each other, but now that America has proven sooooo keen to take on that little job, why do we bother?!?!?!?!
    It has sod all to do with us any more. Let us attend to our own business and look inwards for once. We need to admit that we have no empire and that the barbarians are at the gate!

  4. Good reply, Captain. Indy, me too! Atlas, if only we could make a difference.

  5. Excellent stuff Captain...

    As you all know - or at least suspect - I am noted for my sensitivity and lightness of political touch, and this afternoon (as I was leafing through that weighty tome, "A Guide to Arab Democracies") I wondered whether, in the spirit of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue', we might bend our collective intellects toward a list of songs which may prove popular with the rag-head fraternity?

    My own humble offerings are:

    The Night They Drove Ole Dickhead Down

    He Ain't Heavy (Which Is Just As Well Because Someone Is Going To Have To Carry His Lifeless Body A Considerable Fucking Distance This Afternoon)

    (Shitting in the) Back Of The Cave

    I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus (So The Mullahs Stoned Her To Death, The Bastards)

    I'm sure you can do better than me!

  6. Caratacus, how about Songs of Praise For Seven Virgins?

  7. Ahh - virgins, I remember them.

    Reminds me of a story about a muslim suicide bomber who finds himself in heaven next to Allah. When he enquires about his promised virgins, Allah beckons the girls forward and (to use a term with which Captain H may be familiar) they were as disconcerting a collection of gronks as may be found anywhere. Voicing his dismay, he was astonished when Allah said, "They're all that's left; why do you think they're virgins?"

    Scurrilous I know, but there we are...

  8. Gronks indeed Caratacus ...

    Mouths like torn pockets, Teeth like a row of condemned houses & F*****s like wizard's sleeves ... :) :) :)

    I well remember when it was widely rumoured that the only virgins in my home town were the statues around City Square .. ;)

  9. Pure poetry Captain, as ever.

    Mouth like a burnt out fuse box, arse like a slate-layers nailbag. (Courtesy of CPO D.Hore RN ret'd)

  10. four and twenty bombers came down with us to mess
    and when the bang was over there were four and twenty less,

    singing balls to mohammed
    the qu'ran isn't blessed
    if youve never been bombed on a saturday niiiiight
    youve never been bombed at all

    The IRA theyve been here
    With mortar and pipe bomb
    blown us up, blown us down
    and still we sing the song

    Balls to you radicals
    for we will never rest
    as when the smoke blows over
    we'll make your death our quest

    balls to mohammed
    the qu'ran isn't blessed
    if youve never been bombed on a saturday niiiiiight
    youve never been bombed at all

    The luftwaffe they were here
    a'bombing through the blitz
    but when the war was over
    the fucked up one was fritz

    balls to mohammed
    the qu'ran isn't blessed
    if youve never been bombed on a saturday niiiiiiiiiii..eeeiii.eeiiight
    youve never been bombed aAaaaat aalllllllllllllll.....

    gi us all another
    pint landlord!
    Now oo knows all 56 verses of Burkhanimo Nell!

    Twas on the good ship Vee-eenus
    by god you should a see-een us
    the figure head a nude in bed sucking a dead bombers peee-eenus

  11. I'll have a pint of whatever Indy's drinking!

  12. Cheerssh Carrractacush! sh mi ome made whine! bla.ic.currnt an youre ri ish berrer by the pin..ut!
    thash wy i make 20 gallsh eviry yar!ic!

    Gaaa-aather roun all you whorey.

    gaa-ther roun an ear me sto-orey.

    When a man grows cold,
    an the tip of is cock turns bluue
    when it bends in the middle like a one string fiddle
    e can tell you a talle or two...
    So pull up a chair
    an stan me a drink
    and atale to you I'll tell
    bout dead eye Dick and afghanistan pete and a harlot named Burkhinimo Nell

    When dead eye dick an afgghanistan pete
    go forth i search of fun
    its dead eye dick that swings the prick and afghanistan pete the bomb
    when dead eyed dick an afghanistan pete
    are sore, depressed and sad
    its 's always a cunt that bears the brunt
    but the bombings not so bad

    Now dead eyed dick and afghanistan pete
    lived down by dead mans creeeek
    and such was their luck that they'd had no fuck
    for nigh on half a week

    oh a mouse or two in a hijab too
    an abison cow or so
    but for dead eyed dick and is kingly prick
    the fucking was awful slowww

    Dick pound on his cock with a huge piece o rock
    and e said I want to play
    its been almost a week at this fucking creek with no cunt coming my wayyyy

    So, do or dare, this orny pair
    set off on the jihad grande
    Dead eyed Dick with 'is kingly prick
    and pete wiv is bomb up is bum

    Then as they blazed their noisy trail
    No man their path withstood
    an many a bride, her 'usbands bride
    a pre-egnant widow stood

    They reached the strand of the Usof A
    at the hight of a blazing noon
    to slake their thirst, and do their worst
    they sought to pop ol george Bushes balloon

    Thwe twin towering doors they pushed back wide
    Both prick and bomb flashed free
    According to sex, you blleding wrecks
    you'll drink or youll fuck wi meeee

    Now theyd heard of the prick of Dead eyed Dick
    from the yukon to Pana maaa
    So with scarecely worse than a muttered curse
    the Bushes all sought the bar
    When Dick walked in to a house of sin
    the whores all cursed their luck
    not even a tart dared let out a fart
    when he said...I want to fuck!

    The girls they knew of is playful ways
    down on ground zero land
    and forty whores pulled down their drawers
    and swore they were virgin glands

    For they saw the finger of afghanistan pete
    move on the trigger grip
    So they didn't wait and at a fearful rate
    those whores began to strip

    Now forty butts and forty cunts
    if you can use your wits
    and if youre slick , at arithmetic
    make exactly eighty tits

    Sure eighty tits are a gladsome sight
    for a man with a gladsome stand
    it may be rare in Berkley square
    but not in ground zero land...

  13. Keep this up you lot and we'll have to have a meet!

  14. Indy .. if you weren't born on a locker-top down a Mess Deck somewhere .. you ought to have been .. you're a natural ..

    I'm still spluttering tea (bloody good job its not Pusser's Rum though) .. ;) :) :) :)

  15. The only problem with your thesis is that it's rubbish.

    Far from "dragging" the rest of the world into their conflicts, the Arab world was pretty much under military control by Britain and to a lesser extent France until WW2.

    After that the Americans took over.

    I don't know why you think Arabs are "winning so many conflicts". I can't think of any. Would you like to name one?

  16. Afghanistan (funded by Saudi Arabia et al, they have got to the point where talks with the Taliban are being floated as a Bit of a Good Thing by the FCO + MOD. Taliban's told them to fuck off of course. Because they have the upper hand).

  17. Afghanistan is not an Arab country. Neither do I think you can ascribe the fact that the USA/UK are finding it a bit tricky to control it to the fact that the population is Muslim. It's well documented that Afghanistan was a particularly hard nut to crack even in the days of Alexander the Great, due to the nature of the territory as much as to the nature of the people.

  18. I know Afghanistan is not an Arab country. That's why I wrote "funded by Saudi Arabia". SA IS an Arab country (last time I checked) and channels millions of dollars to the Taliban to do their shitty work for them. Hence, an Arab nation is getting the upper hand, albeit once removed.

    Point taken ref. Muslim population - never argued otherwise.

    The western allies will eventually pull out of Afghanistan and some silly fat wanker of an American marine will hang out the back of an M35 to tell the world of another Merrkan victory.

  19. Don't want to be pedantic but Afghanistan as a country is not really funded by Saudi Arabia. It's currently funded largely by the USA, which is occupying it.

    During the Soviet occupation the Americans were quite happy to support the mujahideen - including the Taleban and indeed OBL's mob - as long as they were fighting the Russians. So it's a fair point that the Saudis may give them money but so did the Yanks when it suited them.

    Cynics might think the motive for both the Soviet and American invasions was to contol access and/or natural resources in that part of the world rather than to introduce the joys of western-style democracy/totalitarian communism. I don't know enough about it to say.

    But perhaps if outsiders weren't quite so keen on invading Afghanistan it wouldn't cause so much trouble?

    And it doesn't really address the point of Old Rightie's post which was to suggest that Muslims (Arabs) refuse to move on from the religious divisions of the past but want to drag future populations of the whole world into religious conflict.

    That's just not the case. We all know that the core problem in the Middle East is the state of Israel and the Palestinian people. We know why the state of Israel exists - and it ain't the Arabs' fault that Jewish survivors did not feel safe living in Europe. So it's not a question of asking the intolerant and aggressive Islamics (Arabs) to surrender their pious hypocrisy.

    We are asking them to surrender their land. To not only accept that Palestine has been wiped off the face of the map but also to accept endless Israeli expansionism, to accept that Israel can be allowed to have nuclear weapons while no other Middle East state can, to accept that every single time the international community attempts to reign Israel in they are blocked by the USA and the UK.

  20. The Middle east is the birthplace of Judaism, Christianity and Islam. All three cultural entities have persecuted each other for centuries. They continue along that path without any sign of compromise. However, the Jewish enforced exile of Old Testament rote was just that, enforced. The Islamic doctrine is one of diktat and the dominance of other nations. The Palestinians are the fall guys for that expansionist philosophy. As for Israel they welcome their fellow Jews home to fight, not export them via new York.

  21. "The Islamic doctrine is one of diktat and the dominance of other nations."

    So is the Christian doctrine. (And given that there are twice as many Christians in the world as there are Muslims the Christians are evidently rather better at it).

    So that's a fairly meaningless point.

    You stated that Islamics (Arabs) are winning "so many conflicts".

    Well, they're not. Every conflict they have had with Israel they have lost. Every conflict they have had with the USA they have lost. With a few exceptions, the Arab stares are kept firmly in line by American military force, either explicitly or implicitly. The exceptions are of course known to us as the axis of evil or some such nonsense.

    So it's not the case that the Arabs are winning conflicts - the opposite is true,every time they have tried to fight they have been defeated and their governments are weak, corrupt and subservient to foreign powers.

    And the frustration caused by that is, I suggest, a much more likely explanation of terrorism than your global domination theory.

  22. Indy - might be worth a read...

  23. I fully accept that Saudi Arabia has put millions of dollars into funding jihadists Caratacus.

    But the other side of the equation is the 327 BILLION dollars the USA has put into funding the Afghanistan war.

    I suggest that if both Saudis and Americans kept hold of their money and kept their noses out of Afghanistan it would be much less of a problem. And they'd have a lot more money. Win-win situation surely?

  24. Indy, couldn't agree more. If every nation minded its own business and was nice to others it would be a far happier world.

    "if both Saudis and Americans kept hold of their money and kept their noses out of Afghanistan it would be much less of a problem. And they'd have a lot more money. Win-win situation surely?" But the point you make begs the question - if this is such a good idea, why aren't they pursuing it? Either they are as thick as shit (a possibility we must never discount) or they are working to an agenda with a less obvious measure of what is judged to be successful.

    Given that the Arab mindset is a sight more cunning than the naive Merrkans, I would observe that the likely outcome will be a bloody nose for the latter.

  25. Gentlemen, I may well produce a mark two post to continue this discussion. Indy, my "conflicts" that are being won refer more to the hearts and minds and political correctness issues our beloved Bilderbergers in the UK and EU are so fond of allowing. As for why nations interfere in each others business, that's easy. Follow the money. Money started by the trading of entrepreneurs and hijacked by the Bilderbergers. Oil and narcotics, weapons and sex?

  26. Thanks OR!

    Indy, if you want a more in depth analysis and discussion of the Islamic world and what it offers the west, you could do worse than to peruse the thoughts of "Bring On The Revolution" whose comments may be found on Grumpy Old Twat's blogsite...