Such a prescient, beautiful sentiment.

Sunday, 24 May 2009

Is This James' Happiest Ever Bank Holiday?

Ten, maybe 20 more years of Caligula?

I am having a weekend of joy. My butler brought all my favourite toys to Chequers. Sarah buggered off somewhere with the brat and I’m left to entertain all my most intimate chums. Damien, Pete, Ed and my fragrant namesake, Nick. No women, the most junior male staff and waiters. Straight out of a historic and debauched pleasure palace. To top all that, 17 days of unadulterated control of the media narrative. No stupid bugger has clocked my repeal of the election act that gives me ten years minimum in power. Cameron is rushing round sacking his nearest and dearest whilst I soldier on unscathed. That little minnow, Oldrightie is the only one to have suspected my great expenses scheme and not a soul gives a shit about that little person.
So, a Bank Holiday. Some deep massage, some calm intercourse with my male chums and a very deep discussion on how it’s all panning out. The EU elections as well as council irrelevance is sorted and there is a great chance that I can spin The Nation’s bankruptcy as someone else’s fault. My own, to myself, admitted disaster, child abuse trauma and desperate desire for revenge on the world is all tucked away.
So, I sometimes hate myself. So occasionally I realise I’m a dysfunctional, paranoid crap human being. As my dearest bum chum would say, “so what?” I do have to say he is getting a bit chubby. I couldn't’t even loosen his belt Friday night.
You have to try and smile. That is hard but again who gives a shit? The terrible and nightmarish place I have brought the populace, totally forgotten. Decades of poverty, suicides, deprivation and utter misery to come and they will all blame MPs’ greed, selfishness and arrogance. All the time my hand on the tiller for 15 years is ignored. Such joy, such brilliance. Dear God, if you exist, thank you for McBride, The BBC and the utter naivety of The British People.
Well, so to bed. Now which door shall I gently tap on? Not the delicious Ed's, he's too busy claiming for wreaths.

Is This What You All Want For Ever?


  1. No, it isn't what I want forever. But Cameron isn't the answer, I'm afraid.

    Unless you want more of the same.

  2. "No stupid bugger has clocked my repeal of the election act that gives me ten years minimum in power".. Is that true Oldrightie? If it is, then we're pretty f*cked!

  3. I always said that Incitatus was the better bet, but nobody listened.

  4. KEALGSTO....Cameron is a better bet than Jim Snot, any day.
    Sue.....I was thinking of The Civil Contingincies Act, scary document.
    Demetrius..... that would make Jim an even worse bugger than even I imagined!