Such a prescient, beautiful sentiment.

Thursday, 23 April 2009

An Empty Bunker..........

YouTube Video Star of Labour's Got No Talent!

The tip-off came into HQ that the occupant was engaged in making a kiddy grooming YouTube vid. The underground chambers and central bunker were empty and just deep cleaned. No need of bio-suits. I rushed down the rarely bright lit passageway and sure enough the big, steel, gas proof door was wide open. Even the McGroom, now confined to this hideaway, was absent. He and Sherlock Holme's pal were closeted in Kircaldy.

With some trepidation I entered the large underground, now infamous, bunker. The light was dazzling and everything laid out to see. A freshly laundered and neatly stacked pile of towelling nappies were stacked alongside a huge stallion rocking horse, it's gender clearly visible. A large oak desk was opposite the metal door. On a stand by this desk was a giant, large wooden box, piled high with new mobile phones.
Never before seen, mounted round the walls were Tussaud like heads mounted as if game trophies. The central and largest head was clearly a Fettes creature. Alongside, other, smaller, heads could be seen a large eared animal, a Field mouse, a Byers. To one side was a huge snake like head hanging from broken wire. Creepy.

Another wall was made of a huge whiteboard on which black, scrawled letters could be discerned. An open notebook, school boy lines written out many, many times. "I must not say sorry"

The scene was almost pristine. The daily cleaning costs were understood to run into many thousands of pounds of tax payers' money.

I moved closer to the whiteboard. Figures and letters were now just legible. "Scorched earth", "Fuck Cameron", "Make everybody pay", "I'll show how good a socialist I am, wreck absolutely everything, then they'll be sorry". All childish paranoia and unpleasant mutterings put into this scribble. I could stomach no more of the fetid, hate filled, abused childhood ranting here in this room. I hurried out knowing my next visit might well find the lodger back in his lair.


  1. Did you know the local people in Kirkcaldy call his house 'The Fortress'? All the nonsense about Sarah Brown going out shopping like the average woman is just that - nonsense.

  2. How fascinating. So he lives totally in a bunker manner? Amazing.