"Mr Deputy Speaker, I commend the Government opposite on an excellent budget. I express on behalf of my Party and I'm sure the whole Nation, our thanks for all the hard work by officials and ministers, done to produce this next year's fiscal plan.
Furthermore I must express our pleasant, indeed astounded feelings of congratulation for the way my Right Honourable friend, The Chancellor and the Coalition have harnessed and marshalled the energy and skills of the British people to recover an economy "scorch earthed" by my own Government, over 13 years.
13 years of profligacy, gerrymandering mass immigration and a final note left stating "good luck, there's no money left". That, despite Labour's best efforts to shackle, via placement lackeys and supporters in NHS Trusts such as Mid-Staffs, throughout the BBC, Whitehall and teaching profession, still the Coalition opposite turned the shambles left by our incompetence and Union connivance, around.
As the election looms I must be open and honest. My Party and our Shadow Chancellor have no new ideas, beyond spend and bust, to get into power. Our historic tradition of pretending to stick up for the poor has made many of us in power rich as it is possible to be. Our great Prime Ministers of the recent past, Tony and Gordon, are proof of our personal success. Just as the six figure Union bosses attest, exploitation of altruism pays very well.
However the fact our core voter base remains an ever growing slum living, ghetto and gang driven nightmare of existence and poverty, should not detract from our preferring their huge voting numbers to that of the more deserving and hard working people ruined by our tenures in power.
To this end I must state categorically my need to ignore all those successful lives which drive our Nation's economy forward. To all those hard working people I say you must sacrifice all your efforts in ensuring, under Labour, the ability of the feckless, lazy and huge number of voters we need to grasp power for our personal needs, must be forgiven.
In summary, thank you for rescuing our Country, yet again, following another debacle by my Party and its inability to do nought but build phenomenal debt. We, as an opposition Party, look forward to doing what we in power do best, screw all that hard work and drive the British ever closer to a poverty level all those migrants thought they were leaving behind.
To that end, we urge all our downtrodden and illiterate supporters to relax and vote us back into power. The politics of envy works every time. Thank you Mr Deputy Speaker."
Instead we got the typical, faux anger nonsense, taking everyone of us fools. Playground name calling and cringe making, fear ridden immaturity. God save us from these people.