I give you fair warning that I'm not in my relatively normal, chipper mood today. I've just had to make myself a cup of tea because Mrs GOT got her hairy fucking arse in her hand after I complained that my favourite red wine bucket had washing-up streaks on it.
Boiling the kettle and shit didn't put me in a grumpy mood itself, it was the fact that I had to open a new container of milk. You know, one of those 2 litre plastic fuckers with a foil seal underneath the screw cap. In the name of all things bastard well holy ... have you ever tried to remove one of those godforfuckingsaken foil things? An absolute load of bastard buggering about with pliers and then only half the fucking foil comes off!
It was then that I realised I'd made Earl Grey tea ... and I don't take milk with Earl Grey tea ... for fuck's sake! Senile, grumpy old cunt.
Talking of senile cunts (did you see what I did there), I see the cunt Cameron has interrupted his New York shopping trip so that he can appear on the David Letterman chat show. What the fuck! How the buggery bollocks does he think that verbal sparring with the wise-cracking king of the chat show, is a wise move.
Camermong is senile. Senile I tell you. The spineless faux leader of the faux Tory party and all around PR arsehole in charge of the calamitous Cuntalition Government ... is finally going Gordon Brown bonkers.
What the actual fuck does he think appearing on the David Letterman chat show will do to get us all out of this quadruple dip recession? Fuck all. That's what. Obviously, he's priming himself for the £200,000 an hour celeb talk circuit, for when he loses the next General Election ... just like his mentor .... Tony fucking Blair.
And if David C thinks that David L hasn't heard about Andrew Mitchell telling the police they're 'fucking plebs'. then he's in for a shit sandwich. Good. Go get him Letterman! Tell him from me that 'if he talks like a cunt, looks like a cunt, thinks like a cunt and acts like a cunt ... then he most certainly is a cunt.
Hey, but whatever you do, don't send the cunt Cameron back here.
I thank you.