Dear Mr Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing England 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the
money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them Β£1 million each severance for early retirement with the
1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed
4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed
5) They MUST buy Β£100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
and there's your money back in duty/tax etc
6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme
that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to
reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them
It can't get any easier than that!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of Parliament pay back
their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
If not, please disregard.
Grumpies of the World Unite Part 2.
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical
treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped
instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed
and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and
snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual
counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with
gardens. Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards
would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.Β Live in a tiny room and
pay Β£600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad
cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby
almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the
county of Cumbria? They even tracked her calves to their stalls. Yet they are unable to locate 250,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Finally, the real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit
Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers,
judges and politicians..... It creates a hostile work environment.
If you don't want broadcast this, for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain
to speak up!