The despair Of The British nation.

Sunday, 21 November 2010

Sunday Irreverance.

Tongue Firmly In Cheek.

OR on a good day.

A futuristic view.

1. SEUD (septic EU Dave) negotiates a European wide adoption of the pound.
2. The European Commission is exiled to Siberia.
3. Sarah Palin sweeps into The White House and sacks every banker in America.
4. Nadine Norris becomes Tory Party Leader and opens a world wide tea room chain with The American President. Sacks every banker in The UK.
5. Lord SEUD is banished to join The EU Commissioners.
6. Lord Kirkaldy is found in South America and extradition sought.
7. Lord Fondleboys is shot in Rio. A 12 year old Billo Strawbio arrested.
8. Duchess of Cambridge runs off with Johnny Depp's son. Seen together in a cougar reserve. 
9. A UK wide Peoples Bank announces huge profits. Every customer to receive £60,000 a year for ten years. (To qualify, no customer must have earnings  above 10% of National  average)
10. MPs vote to receive a pay cut to 10% above national average. Allowances ncreased to £EU18,000,000. All MPs become Peoples Bank clients.

Hope you got a small smile from OR's crystal ball! Any other predictions very welcome.



10 comments:

Tory Totty Online said...

lmao . . . babe that's tooooooo funny ;) xx

Demetrius said...

Free beer for the workers?

Oldrightie said...

Why, thank you TTOL, Demetrius, that is futuristic.

Caratacus said...

Wonderful stuff OR. (Didn't know that your teeth were in such fine fettle btw...). Here are my humble offerings:

- All measurements revert to Imperial Standard.
- People shouting into mobile phones in public places are rounded up, removed to a fenced compound and hosed down.
- Anjam Choudray discovered in flagrante delicto with two goats, neither of which consented.
- The Orange Order, in an unprecedented display of introspection, say, "Well....we don't HAVE to go this way I suppose..."
- VOSA is disbanded and all its former employees are deemed unemployable and given a small lifelong pension as long as they promise to stay the fuck away from normal folk. Its Chief Exec is publicly flogged on a regular basis until arms become tired.
- The overall direction of the BBC is given over to my Mum who promptly orders remakes of The Onedin Line, Steptoe and Son, The Navy Lark and The Army Game. Jim Naughtie resigns and emigrates to the socialist paradise of Cuba. Reports that he was hospitalised while a size 5 court shoe was removed from his arse are vehemently denied.

Oldrightie said...

Utopia, Caratacus.

tris said...

The royals are rounded up and made to work on the buses, except for the Queen who is allowed to stay in Windsor Castle, with the proviso that it is turned into an old people’s home;

Tescos is shut down and the board of directors shot;

Rupert Murdoch’s secret files are burned in a big bonfire night, with him on the top as a guy, so that at last he doesn’t hold them over the heads of judges, cabinet members, police chiefs, and top civil servants. Effectively he ceases to run the country.

The cellars at Downing Street, Chequers, Buck House, Windsor and Chevingham are emptied and each person in the country gets a free bottle of wine from the cellars.

Oldrightie said...

Tris, yet more Utopia!

Derek said...

Corner shops are re-opened and run by indiginous Brits, Supermarkets used as transit camps for foreign nationals (terms and conditions apply) and rail links established for repatriation to their lands of origin. After this the ground is cultivated for allotments.
Cottage industry begins to bloom, and apprenticeships in manufacturing and engineering are instigated. Asylums are created to re-condition the Police force. Those refusing the program transported in small boats across the Pacific. (Doesn't matter where to, they won't get there).

Britain becomes a benchmark for quality, and exports enough to keep it afloat and it's products highly sought after.

Power supply is part nuclear, part coal and gas. Villages spring back to communities and fewer 'dormitary' islands of little use.

Parliament buildings are turned into theatre workshops (any change?) and visitors encouraged to dress in robes, screech abuse at one another, with tea on the terrace and boat trips on the river. Most governance as remains, is undertaken by part time officials in local counties and boroughs, with frequent referendums put to the people for administrative changes. A small full time military force is available, with part time TA for back up in any emergency. Defence of fisheries is undertaken by fleets of small Naval ships.

Law and order is by Habeus Corpus, the Bill of Rights is resurrected and forms the basis of the Common Law system. Capital punishment is returned using a Guillotine.

In some ways, a return to the past using technology practical skills, alongside modern technology.

Of course we can dream. There would be problems, but we have sufficient expertise amongst the many to solve them.

Anonymous said...

MPs should be on 10% above minimum wage not average wage

Oldrightie said...

If only, Derek. Anon, I'd like them gone!